A Scribbled Quip
The other night I was kept awake by a memory. One that I am not real fond of, and if you have children and are in church you’ll completely understand. One Sunday I was attending church while in seminary. My husband was serving as a chaplain at a social service organization and could not attend church with us. So I was on my own with our two children. Our oldest was about three and our second child was about one. This church had a nursery, but I tried to keep the kids in service as long as possible. When they would get antsy, I would then take them to the nursery. I wanted our children to be familiar with sitting in the service as I wasn’t sure if we would have nursery or childcare at the future church we would serve after we finished seminary. I also think that kids get a lot more out of church than we give them credit for. I am convinced that they are sponges.
This particular Sunday, the service was unusually full. We sat down—towards the back so that I could sneak out if needed—other than being full, worship service seemed pretty typical. So here I am, sitting in service with two very small children. They were playing quietly in the old church with high ceilings and hard wood floors. So even the quietest play makes some noise. They were not being obnoxious, but they were being small children. Everyone in that church was wonderful. They loved on our kids, and they constantly remarked at how well behaved the children were in service.
But something strange happened that Sunday, something that really hurt. As we worshipped, at one point I stood up and could see the bulletin of the family sitting directly in front of us. Scribbled on the bulletin was something to the effect of “Remind me not to sit near AB.” These are hurtful words. We usually did not have to sit in the row directly behind anyone, but because this Sunday was fuller than usual we were within close proximity to others. So maybe the fidgets of two small children really got to this family that Sunday. Maybe these words weren’t in reference to us (but what other AB were they sitting next to?). Maybe it was just a bad Sunday for this person. But when you are a parent and you spend the time to take you children to church by yourself, wrangling them and doing the best that you can because you believe that being a part of the body of Christ is a good witness for your children, because you shouldn’t do Christianity alone, and then something like this happens—it is a huge blow!
I was upset that day. I was hurt. I think I shed a few tears, and I definitely had red cheeks. I hugged my babies tighter that day, and then I had to make decisions. Would I continue to go to church there for the remaining few months that we had before we finished seminary? Or would I find some place else to worship? Or would I just throw in the towel and take a break from church until we were ready to move on? I had to think about these things. But in the end, I didn’t let one bad experience keep me or my family from the Church. I did look at that person a little differently after that day. I did feel a bit of hurt that eventually healed whenever I went to that church. But, nonetheless I had resolve that community is stronger than a short quip on a bulletin. The one thing I wish I had done, but was too embarrassed to do at the time, was to address the note with this family. I think that there is a teaching moment in this and I wish I had told this person that I found the note hurtful. Not to gain some apology, but to help the person understand the detriment of their action and to prevent another parent from a similar experience, one that might not have had my resolve. One that might have sworn off the church altogether from a scribbled note that was just a few words long.
It is God’s desire to draw all people to himself—even, no especially, the children. So, if you are a parent, grandparent, caregiver, etc., and you have experienced something like this at church, I want to apologize. This was not my first experience like this, and I am sure I am not the only one that has been in a similar situation. Please don’t write off God or the Church because of one person’s behavior.
Secondly, if you see a parent struggling in church (or anyplace for that matter), don’t stare, don’t make snide comments, and don’t write notes or text messages about them—because someone will see it and it will hurt their feelings. Instead, offer a smile, a helping hand (in a non-condescending way), or even a word of encouragement would be nice. You don’t know what that person is going through and maybe your encouragement will be the demonstration of Christ’s love that gets them through the day.
“Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’” (Matthew 19:14, NIV)
Ideas on supporting parent’s in church with small children? Leave a comment below!
